No Dress Code Worldwide

By: Susan Dunn,

When Marilyn and her husband fought and she threatened to leave him, he said, "You do and 24 hours later I’ll have all our money in Montsarat and you’ll never get a cent." Marianne’s husband was more subtle. He asked her to sign some papers one night, she did, and later found out she’d signed all their assets over to him.

When a man starts cheating and thinking about leaving, it gets ugly, and divorce is expensive. The average divorce costs over $30,000 and whatever it costs financially, the emotional cost is more.

Ask Marianne (not her real name). Marianne is 62 years old now and working as a clerical assistant in an auto shop, while most of her friends are retired. Marianne didn’t see it coming when her husband of 40 years divorced her and ran off with a woman their daughter’s age, taking all their assets with him. He even got Marianne to move out before the divorce, "abandonment," which can count against you in court.

Marianne realized she’d missed a lot of clues he was cheating. He’d changed his schedule, there were hang-up phone calls, and he kept taking the cell phone outside. "How many times in one night can you walk a dog? she says, not believing her ignorance. "I should’ve known. And all of a sudden he’s wearing cologne?" Those are some of the typical clues. For more, go here: http://www.thecloser.cc/top_ten_clues.html .

It’s devastating when you’ve been married 10, 20, even 40 years and find out he’s cheating on you, and more than half of married men do. Infidelity is worse than a death. The only thing worse is if he takes everything you’ve worked for all your life with him.

Marianne found out when she was served with the papers and finally sat down with a lawyer. That’s a hard way to find out, but there are other hard ways. One woman we know found out when her husband died in flagrante delicto in a luxury hotel room with his lover.

Other women find out when their doctor tells them they’ve gotten a sexually transmitted disease (STD), or when their husband’s gifts to his lover and trips to Hawaii (while you stay home with the kids and the mother-in-law) ruin them financially.

Considering the odds, and the costs, it pays to find out for sure, and as soon as possible.

INFORMATION IS POWER

There is nothing wrong with checking on your spouse if you think he’s cheating. In fact it’s smart. Once you know for sure, you can leave or stay but you need a plan, and you need to protect yourself. You can no longer trust him or count on his good will.

The first thing you must do is find out for sure. Investigating yourself on the Internet, even if you pay for it, won’t get you the complete or current information you need. And what if he’s got a spy tool tracking where you’ve been on the Internet? You don’t want to get caught (like you were the guilty party!) until you’re prepared. You need a discreet professional investigative service. One example is The Closer ( www.thecloser.cc ). They will do the work for you in a cordial, confidential manner. They don’t ask why you need to know, they just do the job. Their website also provides resources and products you will need, in a one-stop shopping center. You need evidence if you go to court, and this can impact child custody as well.

FOLLOW THE MONEY

The second thing to do is to get informed about your finances. Assist The Closer by paying attention around the house. Men start hiding things when they’re having an affair, out of guilt, and also because they’re spending lavishly on the other woman. If he wants out, or is afraid you’ll file, he’ll be moving his money, looking out for himself. One man we know gave all the stock in his multi-million dollar business to his mother so it couldn’t be touched.

You need to know:

1. How much he makes and how he gets paid. 2. If he has a retirement plan and where it is. 3. Where he keeps the financial papers – at work? at home? 4. The name of his accountant and stock brokers. 5. Do you have a joint savings account? Could he sign his name and clean out your life’s savings? 6. What are your debts? Whose name are they in? 7. Check credit card statements. If he left, could you have credit on your own? 8. Does he have an insurance policy? 9. What would happen to your health insurance (and the kids’) if he left?

THE COMPUTER

Many men invest on the Internet. They also start affairs on the Internet, through porn sites, chat rooms and dating services. Computer spy software such as SpyAgent ( http://www.affairspy.com ) provide monitoring and surveillance. SpyAgent logs keystrokes, emails, websites, passwords, even chat conversations. Not detectable, it defeats spyware detectors and can be remote or local. (Useful with teens and to protect children, too.) GET MONEY If you feel a split coming up, or suspect him in any way, you need to take care of yourself (and look out for the kids’ welfare). If it comes down to divorce, you’ll need help, and help costs money -- a lawyer, a coach, maybe a therapist for the kids. You’d have to cover your own living expenses. Sometimes a divorce can take a year to settle. What will you live on in the meantime? I know it feels crummy if you start salting money away, but he started it, with the infidelity. Once the trust is broken, then it becomes "every man for himself" – and woman too. Don’t lie awake at night staring at the ceiling or spend another day snapping at the kids because your nerves are on edge, or lose your job because you’re a zombie at work from the tension. If you think something’s wrong, you have every right to get the information you need. "Break Free From the Affair" ( http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cgi-bin/cmd. cgi?cmd=aftrack&afid=307546&u=www.break-free-from- the-affair.com/ebook.htm ) can help you if you want to go that way. "Should You Stay or Should You Go" ( http://www.mybizkit.com/app/?af=307958 ) can help you sort it through and make that difficult decision.

In the meantime, find out. It takes courage and emotional intelligence to do this when you’re scared, heart-broken or angry. You have to hold the emotions at bay and do what you need to do. Your future’s at stake. Ask Marianne or Marilyn.